During a divorce, it’s easy to turn into some kind of ego monster who can only think about their own feelings and desires. If you have children, however, you can’t afford to become so focused on yourself that you don’t act to protect your children during what will surely be a difficult time for them.

Many psychologists and social researchers rate the divorce of parents among the most traumatic things that a child could experience, with it potentially being more difficult for a child then experiences like a death in the family. Obviously, you don’t want your happiness to come at the expense of your children’s mental and emotional stability.

Making the best interests of your children your focus in divorce proceedings can be one way to protect your relationship with the children and limit the damage the divorce causes for them. That could mean accepting shared parenting or even the obligation to pay child support because it benefits the kids.

How do you know what will be in your child’s best interests?

Using the best interest of the children as the standard for divorce is common practice, but it can be very confusing. Different people may have different opinions about what is best for the children. Instead of letting emotion or opinion direct your approach, researching how divorce impacts children and how to limit the negative consequences for your family can help you strategize.

For example, with the exception of scenarios that involve issues like addicted parents or a history of abuse, most children will have the best outcome after divorce if both parents remain actively involved in their lives. Additionally, research shows that it is the fighting and contention that comes with a divorce that is often so damaging for children.

Simply put, you need to accept the fact that you will likely share parental responsibilities and rights with your ex and that your attitude toward doing so will have a direct impact on the well-being of your kids.

The court will definitely look at whether you focus on the kids or yourself

The Colorado family courts want to make custody determinations that facilitate the best possible outcome for the children. When they see parents haranguing one another or intentionally refusing each other parenting time, such actions can impact how the courts perceive that parent and also how they allocate parental responsibilities and rights.

A parent who focuses more on what will be best for the kids rather than on getting what they want or punishing their ex will have a better chance of securing more parenting time or terms that they deem favorable.

When the courts see that you are motivated by what is best for the kids, and not to spite your ex, or to get your way for your own convenience, it will favor the allocation of parental responsibilities and rights in most cases.