Co-parenting creates countless opportunities for conflict. When parents share parental rights and responsibilities, they have to continue interacting with one another despite the change in their relationship.
The more the parents end up fighting with one another, the harder it may be for their children to heal and move on from the change in family circumstances. Parents transitioning to separate households after years of marriage and those preparing for divorce can potentially integrate rules into their parenting plans that can help them limit the conflicts that arise in the future.
What rules can help parents work more cooperatively with one another?
Share rules and expectations for the children
Few things push parents into disagreements more quickly than inconsistencies in parenting practices. If one parent doesn’t enforce a curfew or lets the children have unlimited screen time, those choices can prove problematic for the family as a whole. The children might seek more time at the house where they receive more permissive treatment. Major discrepancies between parenting practices can lead to resentment and high levels of conflict. Agreeing to specific rules for the children can make it easier for parents to work cooperatively while living separately.
Prioritize healthy communication
Regular communication is a necessary component of an effective co-parenting relationship. Parents have to see each other frequently to transport the children between households. They also have to talk about issues related to the education and health of their children. Direct communication can quickly become emotional and may lead to conflict. Establishing a rule that requires written communication, possibly through a parenting app, can diminish the opportunities for disputes. As parents heal and improve their dynamic with each other, they may eventually be able to communicate directly with one another again.
Never put the children in the middle
Parents may have a hard time agreeing about curfews and expectations regarding academic performance. They may disagree about medical care and other child-rearing matters. However, they likely agree that they want their children to have the best lives possible. If parents can commit to keeping their children separate from their conflicts with one another, that is the best possible way to protect the children. Parents may need to work out a system for addressing conflicts. They should avoid disparaging one another in front of the children or using the children as messengers.
Parents who share expectations, communicate effectively and limit the pressure on their children can foster a healthy and productive co-parenting relationship. Prioritizing children in all major parenting matters is typically a better approach than using the children as a bargaining chip or a weapon against their other parent.