Nobody gets married expecting to get divorced — but it happens. When you reach the painful conclusion that your marriage is over, however, you still have one more (possibly more painful) step ahead: You have to tell your spouse.
There’s no perfect way to do this, but there are ways to approach the conversation with clarity and compassion. Here’s how you can start:
1. Be sure about your decision
Before you start the conversation, make certain that your mind and heart are set. Don’t make the announcement in anger or frustration — like in the middle of an argument. Make sure that your feelings aren’t temporary and that you’re resolute.
2. Pick the moment carefully
There’s no ideal time to bring up this subject, but you want to avoid starting the conversation before holidays or important family events — or any time that would not allow you and your spouse to talk. Find a time where you both have time to talk and process the situation without being pressed.
3. Focus on the path forward
Forget about unloading your grievances. The time for arguments is over. Focus on your own feelings about the relationship, not your spouse, by saying things like, “I am not happy in our relationship anymore,” and “This isn’t easy for me to admit, but I think divorce is the best option for us.”
4. Be prepared for the emotions
Your spouse may surprise you and take the news well. Maybe they’ve been trying to figure out how to approach the subject. Or, they may react with tears or disbelief. Whatever comes, you need to be prepared to give your spouse some space — and set some boundaries. You don’t have to have all the answers to every question they might have, nor do you need to have all the logistics of your split figured out just yet.
Telling your spouse you want a divorce may be difficult, but it can be a lot easier to move forward with the right legal guidance.